I’ve started mildly sweating as the effort takes its toll
My next job is to wash the floors; I grab my mop and bucket
But suddenly I’m soaking wet and screaming out, ‘Oh fuck it!’
The kitchen tap has sprung a leak as I stand at the sink
It’s fast I need to act and on my feet I need to think
I grab the phone and make the call; somehow I know the number
This is a situation that requires an on-call plumber
‘Help me, please! I’ve sprung a leak and need emergency plumbing!’
The deep voice at the other end says, ‘Don’t worry, love, I’m coming.’
Miraculously, he’s at the door as I hang up the phone
And as I bid him entry I can see he’s got a bone.
‘It’s for my dog,’ he tells me, as my mind he easily reads
And as I look him up and down, I know he’ll meet my needs.
‘When you called me I was at the butcher’s round the corner.
It’s my day off, so it’s double-time, I feel I ought to warn ya.’
‘I don’t care what it costs,’ I lie, ‘you have to fix my leak.’
And as he straps his tool-belt on, I feel my knees go weak.
‘Is it very warm in here?’ I innocently ask,
As in his muscled glory I allow myself to bask.
‘It is a bit,’ he says, then asks, ‘may I remove my top?’
‘Oh please, feel free!’ I say too fast and hope he doesn’t stop.
I grab a cloth and dab the perspiration from my neck,
I shouldn’t really think the way I do, but what the heck!
I watch in awe as he unsheathes a length of copper piping
And notice as he looks towards my cleavage that I’m wiping.
‘I’d like to help,’ I offer, ‘shall I hold your tool, perhaps?’
But I get too close and brush against his arm with both my baps.
The tension is too much; I see his pupils are dilating
Then suddenly we’re on the kitchen table, fornicating.
He’s doing me in doggie-style; he’s got me on all fours
And from this fresh perspective I can see my unwashed floors.
I offer some encouragement as I go ‘ahh’ and ‘ooh’
‘Fuck me hard and do to me whatever you must do’
I’m starting to enjoy it as our rhythm finds its pace
But out he’s pulled and spun me round; now he’s cumming on my face!
I feel a little cheated as I didn’t climax yet
I feel a little stupid as my eyelashes are wet
I try to keep things in the mood, but it’s over, I suppose
And I don’t feel very sexy, ’cos I’ve got spunk up my nose
The job is done; my leak is fixed; he’s put away his tools.
It was just a lusty interlude for two hot and horny fools
That night I take my diary from the drawer in which it’s hid
And write: ‘Today a plumber screwed me. He charged me three hundred quid!’
My next job is to wash the floors; I grab my mop and bucket
But suddenly I’m soaking wet and screaming out, ‘Oh fuck it!’
The kitchen tap has sprung a leak as I stand at the sink
It’s fast I need to act and on my feet I need to think
I grab the phone and make the call; somehow I know the number
This is a situation that requires an on-call plumber
‘Help me, please! I’ve sprung a leak and need emergency plumbing!’
The deep voice at the other end says, ‘Don’t worry, love, I’m coming.’
Miraculously, he’s at the door as I hang up the phone
And as I bid him entry I can see he’s got a bone.
‘It’s for my dog,’ he tells me, as my mind he easily reads
And as I look him up and down, I know he’ll meet my needs.
‘When you called me I was at the butcher’s round the corner.
It’s my day off, so it’s double-time, I feel I ought to warn ya.’
‘I don’t care what it costs,’ I lie, ‘you have to fix my leak.’
And as he straps his tool-belt on, I feel my knees go weak.
‘Is it very warm in here?’ I innocently ask,
As in his muscled glory I allow myself to bask.
‘It is a bit,’ he says, then asks, ‘may I remove my top?’
‘Oh please, feel free!’ I say too fast and hope he doesn’t stop.
I grab a cloth and dab the perspiration from my neck,
I shouldn’t really think the way I do, but what the heck!
I watch in awe as he unsheathes a length of copper piping
And notice as he looks towards my cleavage that I’m wiping.
‘I’d like to help,’ I offer, ‘shall I hold your tool, perhaps?’
But I get too close and brush against his arm with both my baps.
The tension is too much; I see his pupils are dilating
Then suddenly we’re on the kitchen table, fornicating.
He’s doing me in doggie-style; he’s got me on all fours
And from this fresh perspective I can see my unwashed floors.
I offer some encouragement as I go ‘ahh’ and ‘ooh’
‘Fuck me hard and do to me whatever you must do’
I’m starting to enjoy it as our rhythm finds its pace
But out he’s pulled and spun me round; now he’s cumming on my face!
I feel a little cheated as I didn’t climax yet
I feel a little stupid as my eyelashes are wet
I try to keep things in the mood, but it’s over, I suppose
And I don’t feel very sexy, ’cos I’ve got spunk up my nose
The job is done; my leak is fixed; he’s put away his tools.
It was just a lusty interlude for two hot and horny fools
That night I take my diary from the drawer in which it’s hid
And write: ‘Today a plumber screwed me. He charged me three hundred quid!’
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